A grandmother has bucked the trend of baby boomers being used as free childcare by their families, describing child-rearing as mostly ‘abject drudgery’ when they should be enjoying their golden years.
Melbourne writer Avril Moore sparked a fiery debate when she declared she and her husband would not be helping to raise their grandchildren – despite the pressure of ‘glossy lifestyle’ ads promoting the ‘joy and wonder’ of looking after small kids.
‘Rebelling against the status quo is not the primary reason for either of us not providing care for our progeny. The truth is we simply don’t like it,’ she wrote in an opinion piece for The Age.
The grandmother of eight said she had spent many years raising her own children and she and her husband did not want to take on that responsibility again in their later years.
‘Caring for preschool kids, particularly under the age of four, is a relentless regime of feeding, sleeping, nappy-changing, wiping, cleaning, carrying, rocking, vomit, dribble, teething pain, temperatures, sickness, reading mindless picture books, playgrounds and trying to decipher baby babble,’ she wrote.
Ms Moore clarified she had no problem with taking on the role of grandparent – with occasional visits, activities and days out – but felt there was a big difference between that and ‘8am to 6pm babysitting… several days a week while parents work day jobs’.
The part-time lecturer said she also ‘resented’ the social expectation – backed up by figures in the government’s gender equality strategy – that grandmothers should participate in regular childcare simply because they are female.
She went on to complain about ‘old men waxing lyrical about their newfound love of kiddy care’ – after these same men ‘never lifted a finger when their own children were young’ and ‘now expect to receive a sainthood for suddenly changing a nappy’.
One Aussie grandmother said she ‘resented’ the expectation she should provide free childcare to her grandchildren (stock image)
Ms Moore’s op-ed sparked a flood of comments from readers, with some agreeing it was a ‘thankless’ job that often involved being lectured by their adult children about the ‘correct’ way to do things.
But others said it was a privilege to be able to be involved in raising grandchildren.
‘Avril Moore’s opinion piece about being a caring grandparent left me feeling a bit sad for her,’ Tim Herborn, from Blackheath, wrote in a letter to the editor.
‘She seems to forget that when it comes to putting a roof over one’s head, our generation had it much easier than the current generation.
‘I’m sure there are plenty of grandparents helping out with childcare through sheer financial necessity as well as those grandparents who simply want to be part of the family.’
‘Our care of nine grandchildren over 15 years has fostered a very close relationship with them all,’ said Sally Spurr, from Lane Cove.
‘Amazingly we still manage a satisfying life of work, theatre and holidays… It’s called family.’
‘Put away the resentment. There are precious times to be had with your grandkids. Enjoy the moment. Before you know it, it will be, “Hi, have a nice life,”‘ Vic Alhadeff from Kirribilli said.
But one commenter agreed with Ms Moore’s complaint about being free labour.
‘To expect grandparents to care for children more than one day a week is selfish… I love ’em, don’t get me wrong, but they are not mine to raise,’ they said.
‘Totally agree… Governments rely on the generosity of mostly women to help provide free childcare. Imagine if men could not work because they had no childcare? The situation would be rectified in months,’ another said.
‘It’s always amazed me how many young people expect their parents to step into the role of carer while they chase a career and pay off huge mortgages. So unfair to grandparents who’ve done it once and are now free to do as they wish,’ a third said.
According to Victoria University’s Mitchell Institute, about nine million Australians live in neighbourhoods classified as ‘childcare deserts’ where access to daycare is limited
According to Victoria University’s Mitchell Institute, about nine million Australians live in neighbourhoods classified as ‘childcare deserts’ where access to daycare is limited.
And about 1.1 million live in regional or remote areas where there are no childcare centres available at all.
For those who do have access to childcare, recent fee increases, limited places and staff shortages mean affordable childcare is increasingly hard to find.
The government childcare subsidy for working families increased in July 2023 but, according to the ACCC this has largely been eroded by an increase in fees.
